hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
