i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
