I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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