1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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