I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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