I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
