Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
