I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
