so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
