The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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