shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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