that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
