Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
