I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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