I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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