I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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