I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
