he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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