it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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