And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
