I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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