checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
