I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You pole danced in your parka.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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