I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
