I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
