im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
