She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
