chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
