i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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