No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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