at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
