dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
