my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was like giving head to a cactus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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