Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
