I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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