paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
