All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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