babies were throwing up all over the place
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm getting married
To pizza
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
