plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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