alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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