The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
