It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
