Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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