Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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