I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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