Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
