Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
