he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize