you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
