You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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