tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
