I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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