I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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