I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
