the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
