In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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