Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
