do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
