I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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