His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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