a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
