Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize