Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
